I have a hole in my tooth. Because of this i’ve been swallowing entire packets of over-the-counter ibuprofen-codeine cocktails at a time, bouncing between the two pharmacies in this no-horse town so as not to raise suspicion. Needless to say I’ve been mashed most of the time, something I must admit I’ve been enjoying, but frankly things are getting a little tedious – in a waking up at 5am with the screaming abdabs kind of way. right now I’m waiting for a dose to kick in whilst white-hot needles pierce my tender nerve endings. Luckily, there is whisky – take a small mouthful straight and swish it about your mouth until your tongue and cheeks burn screaming sweet agony. Keep going. Keep going.

Keep going until you cannot stand it no more.

Now swallow.

That’ll give you a few minutes release.

I wish I could just go to the dentist, but i can’t. My dentist is a cunt.

Oh well, time for another handful me thinks.