walkin down the street. pretty chick, she aint my type but not many are and i dont go by looks but shes obviously made an effort. theres at least an hour on that makeup. there are flowery bobbles in her hair and the dress is nice, not that im an expert, but its no coalsack.

As she draws nearer there’ss a strange gurgle sound in my ear, which at first i think might be coming from me but there’s a doppler effect and i realise its coming from this chick. well, i think, females do make some funny noises from time to time and its usually best ignored. but the noise carries on rising and soon sounds like a tractor engine with a stuck ignition. her buccal cavity rumbles like an awakening monster as she drags all the mucus in her skull to one point at the top of her throat. she pauses, takes a breath, and then hocks again. the noise is fantastic, and shes almost falling off her heels with concentration.

Then it comes – a ball of phlegm the size of my fist. just straight down, not aiming at the gutter or anything. about ten percent of it hits the ground, but the rest is suspended steady halfway down by a green cable of twisted protein. all of a sudden she tries to do several things at once: along with reeling back in disgust she tries for a split second to slurp the thing back up, but the tension is shifting and she starts shaking her head trying to dislodge the enormous dangling booger. again, she fails and the surface tension teams up with the vibrations causing an explosive release of pressure from inside the glob, which pops like a stuck balloon. snot splats her literally from the face to the feet, and i am lucky to have been just out of range. bits stick to her skin and settle in her hair but she carries on walking, as do i. she passes, and i say nothing

– there’s nothing to be said. she said it all.