Tag Archive: humour



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::::We don’t go to Newport::::



I used to live there, so I know it’s true.

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:::Stalking for Dummies:::


Once upon a time I used to make films. I’ve been a little lapse in that regard the past few years, focusing on writing and what not, but I’m sure I’ll get back to it eventually. This short is an interesting example. It was left unfinished at a youth project in Cardiff and I was asked if I’d like to finish it off. I added a few touches of my own to make the protagonist more interesting. It was a great exercise in what can be done with something in post-production.

This started off life as an orphan project. A rough edit had been completed and a draft of a voice-over script. I completed the editing and, starting from scratch, wrote a script that added new depth to the original idea, further developed the protagonist’s character and took it in a somewhat different direction. Referencing an old victorian etiquette manual found on the Gutenberg Project I re-imagined our hero as having a somewhat schizoid personality.

Here it is on vimeo:

And if your device cannot handle vimeo, here it is on youtube:

sackboy is strangely aroused…. [ photo ]





See more at youtube. Obviously.

quote of the day


I like to visit my blog when I get up to check on the quote and the word of the day, maybe look at the pretty picture – all that changing stuff that rolls in off rss feeds i have plugged in to either/or/bored. Today’s quote i found emminently amusing…

“I don’t have an English accent because this is what English sounds like when spoken properly.” – James Carr

I so desperately wanted to know who James Carr was, because judging from the quote he’s the kinda person I should know of, so i followed the quote back to its page, found it’s source (The Tonight Show with Jay Leno) and did a lil googling.

And then felt a little stupid.

Of course, James Carr is Jimmy Carr – an extremely dry and somewhat dark british standup with a thing for one liners who is like totally famous over here. I mean, I can actually hear him delivering this line. I really should of figured it out without the aid of google.

Anyway, here’s some of his stand up.


Some people can just make anything sound epic….

And follow this here link to hear Richard Dreyfuss reading the iTunes EULA.

< via open culture and some chick I know on facebook. >

Ruport Murdoch: “We are fuckers.”


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The curious adventures of Lord Fuckington [short story]


To skip all this disclaimer bollocks and get straight to the curious adventures click here

I have, very recently, completed a short story, whose title you can see above. Ordinarily, i would attempt to get it published, sending it around to magazines both on-and-offline, and hold out for the one that offered the best rate (this has never actually worked). But even I, with my optimistic smoke-filled eyes, can see that I could shop this around to a thousand publications, over the course of a year and a half, and still be rejected. Alot of them, most of them, want exclusive electronic rights – so in all that time it would languish on my hard-drive, unread.

Fuck that.

Why though? Why am I so certain that it would be rejected? I shall tell you. It is without a doubt the most perverse thing I have ever written. It is sick. It is twisted. It is likely to offend. It’s also quite funny, in my opinion.

The list of the kinds of people who may be offended by the words and narrative contained within is long; too long to be included here. A brief overview would likely include feminists, masculinists, liberals, conservatives, vegetarians, vegans, the upper-middle classes, the lower-middle classes, the lower-upper classes, the upper-upper classes, those with a sensitive disposition and most probably anybody with any kind of moral compass.

So, I guess this is a disclaimer. It is not my intention to offend, only to amuse and illuminate. Please don’t read much further if you are likely to descend into a rabid furor of outrage. Actually, please feel free. You will probably find it a cleansing experience.

When i started writing it I conceived it as a satirical reflection on the works of the Marquis de Sade with Cronenbergian overtones. There is perhaps an undercurrent of feminist thought and a critique of society, although these may in fact be accidental. I may, in fact, be suffering from delusions of granduer.

If you read it, and after giving it some thought I have changed my mind and in fact urge you to read it, please – share it. Throw it up on facebook, your blog, your twitterstream. Email it to friends. Mention it on the forums you frequent. Leave me horrified diatribes in the comments. Let me know if you like it, if you hate it, if you want more. There can be more. If you want it.

I’m not usually one to be so forthcoming. I’ve been blogging on and off for a decade – i’ve seen the raise and fall of traffic, the waxing and waning of interest. All the while I’ve played it cool. There’s nothing worse than some whiny prick begging for attention on his blog. I’m making the exception here though, because i think that ‘The Curious Adventures of Lord Fuckington’ is worth the possible backlash.

I started writing this is a lark, a piece of amusement for myself and friends. Something to write after a several month long lapse of creative output. I throughly enjoyed writing it and as i showed it around to a few people i realised that people throughly enjoyed reading it (even those that were somewhat disturbed by it). So, I figured, why not throw some effort of promotion behind it? If it sinks unnoticed beneath the surface of the internet so be it, but at least I will of tried.

So, i bequeath you to read. And link. And comment. And if you want more let me know. There is a very possible long-form narrative for this. Get to the end and you’ll see an inkling of what i mean.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Although I have strived to correct spelling mistakes, it is somewhat unproofed. Just so you know.

thankyouforyourpatience

Click onward to read The Curious adventures of Lord Fuckington

If you’re a writer – I’m sinatra


Photobucket

From Peanutweeter: Where they take random tweets and merge them with peanut comic strips for maximal luls.

MoD fell for UFO hoax in 1967


flying saucer sketch

Ah, the Ministry of Defence. The fact that the yr acronym spells mod… It just sounds cute. Like you’re part of some long dead subculture whose only purpose these days is to be vapidly repurposed by modern day hipsters. Anyway, thanks to the ingunuity of some british aircraft engineers with a twisted sense of humour… Well:

The army’s southern command, four police forces, bomb disposal units, RAF helicopters and the MoD’s intelligence branch were all mobilised in the early hours of Monday 4 September 1967 to meet the threat.

They went into action after the police and RAF were flooded with calls from the public reporting the discovery of six small “flying saucers” in locations in a perfect line across southern England from Sheppey to the Bristol Channel.

It was not until a Scotland Yard bomb disposal squad with orders to check one of the objects with portable X-ray equipment arrived at Bromley police station, south London, that the hoax was uncovered – the Ever Ready batteries were a bit of a giveaway.

Alien invasion hoax fooled MoD, archive papers reveal

It’s an inside job…


Just incase you can’t read that: “First they go bankrupt, then they set themselves on Fire. Iceland. Insurance job?”

(( via ))

ALIEN VS. POOH


That silly billy Winnie the Pooh! Lovely pictures of terrible things afoot in the hundred acre wood. Dig that mocked up hardcover. Click your way through to the harrowing conclusion!

G O D X I L I A R Y: ALIEN VS. POOH

via mental floss


This is the most geeky/cool thing I’ve seen for a while. A bunch of spaced fans reinacting the fake slow-mo gun fight from spaced. Reminds me a bit of the end of Cory Doctorow‘s little brother. How freaked out would you be if you were walking through london and saw this happening? Actually, i guess the really important question is, would you join in? If i happened upon it I really don’t think I could resist.

For those involved this is an example of play, but for those watching it becomes spectacle. Either way it not only calls to mind that paticular episode of Spaced, if you’ve seen it, but also those lost fragments of youth in which your imagination runs amock unchained by the conventions of societal mores. In a way could this almost be seen as a surrealist/situationist rebellion against the self-imposed restrictions on behaviour we impose on ourselves as adults? After all, are we not merely children playing at being grown ups with a level of seriousness that masks the fact that it is merely a game?

Or, you know, is it just a bunch of flash-mobbing nerds geeking out?

Or is it both?

via Media Monkey

Cat Vs. Toddler


If only it was a battle to the death…

via


I don’t watch Newswipe. This is a tragedy of epic proportions. Well, maybe not epic. I mean, in the scheme of things it barely even registers on any kind of scale. Really, I should say it’s a personal tragedy but even then it’s not like my cat being run over by an SUV whilst i’m watching from the pavement as I’m being beaten into a temporary coma by a gang of viscious 6 year olds, which is probably more personally tragic then not watching a tv show. Let’s just say i was going for a bit of dynamic hyperbole and leave it at that, shall we?

Anyway, I should be watching this show. I should be watching everything Charlie Brooker does. Everybody should. Maybe then there’s a chance we can save ourselves from drowning in our own stinking mediocrity. Although probably not.

Doug Stanhope does a spot on newswipe. He’s like this really cynical, twisted and bitter comic from the states and therefore deserves your respect. I first heard of Doug Stanhope through media-underground, where head dissident Mortimer is a big fan. Plus, i think he got drunk with him a whole bunch of times. I checked him out and being suitably impressed told all my friends. They nodded their heads and were like “cool” but then proceeded to ignore me. Now they’re trying to tell me about how great Doug Stanhope is. Well, fuck you. I told you first!

( actually, it didn’t exactly go like that, but I’m trying to cultivate a vibe here – i am aware that I am coming across as some despicable hipster douche but it’s all for fun, promise. )

Doug has his own channel over on youtube, which includes his spots on newswipe, so, like, go and check it out.

Here’s some tasters:


oh yeah, inspired by stumbling across this

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